Veterans in the \u201ccoping with pain\u201d class I teach are often frustrated.<\/p>\n
Many were frustrated with their families for not being supportive enough, with their employers for not being understanding, and with their health care teams for not being able to cure their pain.<\/p>\n
I noticed these Veterans\u2019 strongest frustration was usually with themselves and their bodies. As one Veteran told us, \u201cI always knew I\u2019d get old, I just didn\u2019t know it\u2019d happen this early.\u201d Chronic pain makes it hard to do the simplest tasks\u2014getting dressed in the morning, walking the dog, buying groceries\u2014and we become angry at ourselves and our bodies for our \u201cweakness.\u201d<\/p>\n
In dealing with frustration, it is helpful to believe people are doing the best they can with the knowledge, skills and abilities they have. While I know this isn\u2019t always true, it offers a way forward with someone who is frustrating me. If I tell myself the person is trying their best but doesn\u2019t know a better way, or hasn\u2019t learned the right skills, or has been taught the wrong information, I can partner with them and try to improve the situation.<\/p>\n
The hardest person to do this with is myself. I usually believe I should do better than I am doing. Offering myself the same grace I give others turns my focus away from frustration and toward compassion. This is an important shift because frustration very rarely leads to growth, while compassion usually does.<\/p>\n
If you\u2019re interested in what self-compassion looks like, try this 11-minute \u201cLoving Kindness Practice\u201d led by Dr. Christiane Wolf. You\u2019ll be asked to offer positive thoughts for a loved one and, hard as it may be, for yourself. Maybe the practice will show you a new path forward\u2014for your loved ones and for yourself.<\/p>\n