{"id":487116,"date":"2025-06-20T00:00:00","date_gmt":"2025-06-20T00:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/adn.monetizemail.com\/?p=487116"},"modified":"2025-06-20T20:14:31","modified_gmt":"2025-06-20T20:14:31","slug":"making-time-for-marriage-tips-for-military-couples","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/adn.monetizemail.com\/?p=487116","title":{"rendered":"Making time for marriage: Tips for military couples"},"content":{"rendered":"
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FORT HOOD, Texas \u2014 Military marriages endure many stresses due to military life, such as family separation, financial situations, spouse career exploration, frequent relocations or occupational demands. Maintaining and growing a military marriage takes patience, an incredible amount of understanding and lots of work.<\/p>\n

\u201cIt takes a lot to do the work of a Soldier and to do the work of an Army spouse,\u201d said Chaplain (Maj.) Dan Moen, Fort Hood family life chaplain and counselor, Religious Support Office, III Armored Corps. \u201cSo, there\u2019s outside factors. If you have kids, the kids change \u2026 They have other needs. You might have financial factors, that cause stress.<\/p>\n

\u201cThen (you) have some inside factors between the couple,\u201d he continued. \u201cMaybe the couple has some difficulties communicating and expressing their feelings. That is usually one of the most challenging parts when dealing with couples is learning how to communicate \u2026 and couples often times miss the mark on connecting emotionally.\u201d<\/p>\n

A couple should do relationship maintenance as much as possible. Maintenance helps to grow the marriage and reduce the negative effects the military life may have on it. One way to conduct maintenance is for the couple to continue to go on dates with each other. Moen gave tips on how to have a successful date night.<\/p>\n

Setting expectations<\/strong><\/p>\n

Couples can have different needs for a date night. Each date night comes with its own set of hopes. Moen says it is all about setting those expectations.<\/p>\n

\u201cA couple should try to figure out why they want to go on a date and what they want to do,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n

Additionally, this is not a task that a spouse should do by themselves.<\/p>\n

\u201cThe couple needs to work on (expectations) together,\u201d he said. \u201cOtherwise, it may seem like one partner has more of a power trip than the other, or more authority figure, but it should be a conversation that (says), \u2018Hey, this is what we want to do tonight, this is how we want to do it, and this is why we want to do it.\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n

Moen also suggests couples set their expectations before the date which can help reduce frustration in the middle of it.<\/p>\n

\u201c… Let\u2019s say these two scenarios: you and your husband go to Olive Garden for dinner. Before you go, you\u2019re a little concerned about telling him, \u2018Hey, I\u2019m wondering when we eat, can we both put our phones away because I want to know that you\u2019re hearing me?\u2019 Someone might feel a little awkward saying that beforehand,\u201d Moen said. \u201cBut that awkwardness is smaller compared to scenario number two, where the phone is on the table, the notifications are going on. He\u2019s texting or doing whatever, and you\u2019re trying to have a conversation. And you\u2019re just getting angry. And then you have to tell them why you\u2019re angry because he didn\u2019t meet an expectation in your mind \u2026 So, what\u2019s really harder?\u201d<\/p>\n

Moen recommends when a spouse brings up their expectations, they initiate their spouse\u2019s input in what they would like to receive from the interaction.<\/p>\n

Quality conversation<\/strong><\/p>\n

Moen notices many couples have a hard time figuring out what to talk about with each other.<\/p>\n

\u201cThere\u2019s a couple of great resources to help couples deepen their understanding of each other, getting to know each other,\u201d he said, such as apps, online quizzes or question card games.<\/p>\n

Moen goes further mentioning using open-ended questions, such as, \u201cWho in your life is most stressful for you?\u201d and, \u201cWhat do you need right now in a friend?\u201d<\/p>\n

When asked what a couple should be learning on a date, Moen said they should become students of their spouse.<\/p>\n

\u201cBe curious about their spouse\u2019s hopes and dreams. Be curious about their spouse\u2019s emotions. Be curious about maybe some of their expectations,\u201d he said. \u201cConversations about what they want out of the relationship, and just kind of a check in to see like \u2018Hey, are we still good?\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n

Also, make sure to decide what needs to be and does not need to be talked about during the date to either minimize friction or to make sure difficult matters are handled appropriately, he explained.<\/p>\n

Moen said there is research he has read which shows that 69% of a couple\u2019s conflict is non-resolvable.<\/p>\n

\u201cThat tells you though that there are things that even though you won\u2019t be able to resolve (it) that you can work with that,\u201d he said. \u201cIt gives you an opportunity to actually figure out how to handle that.\u201d<\/p>\n

Moen continued that even with a difference of opinion, couples can learn that it doesn\u2019t have to be a fight.<\/p>\n

Date night ideas<\/strong><\/p>\n

There are many ways to have date nights that promote a positive experience for both partners. Working on an activity together, such as cooking or building, can promote healthy communication and learning how to work together. Those around the Fort Hood Garrison Public Affairs Office shared their favorite date nights that bring them closer to their spouse.<\/p>\n

\u201cA quiet night with a fine meal, usually Dungeness crab, and a musical concert from a well-known artist, like Garth Brooks, George Straight, or an orchestra, such as the Boston Pops,\u201d said Chris Haug, director of the garrison PAO.<\/p>\n

Erick Rodriguez, community relations specialist for the garrison PAO, and his wife loves dates that put them on an adventure.<\/p>\n

\u201cGenerally, my wife and I get the most out of time together when we do interactive things as teammates,\u201d he said. \u201cWe are big fans of escape rooms or those home detective mystery game boxes. We generally cap off those nights with a good meal and some quiet time just talking and enjoying a kid-free evening.\u201d<\/p>\n

Brandy Gill, chief of plans and operations of the garrison PAO, and her husband can make a date out of anything.<\/p>\n

\u201cWith five kids, any time we get alone time is a date,\u201d she expressed. \u201cWe make the most out of every dinner out, trip to the grocery store or walk through the local nursery. It might not sound like much to most people, but when my husband turns on the charm, opening the car door and holding my hand, it\u2019s enough for me.\u201d<\/p>\n

Whatever date night idea comes to mind, it must work for both spouses. Moen said sometimes, couples come to a place where their conversations aren\u2019t going well. This could lead to unproductive dates.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou\u2019re having continual fights, conflict that just never gets resolved, a misunderstanding and miscommunication going on, feeling unappreciated, feeling not heard, then that might be an indication that you need to call one of the resources here. They can call and talk to me. I do marriage counseling all the time,\u201d he said. \u201cThey can call the Chaplain Family Life Training Center (254-288-1913). They can go over to the Shoemaker Center and talk to one of the MFLCs (military and family life counselor), or one of their chaplains in their unit, to kind of get a brush up on, you know, better communicating as a couple.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

FORT HOOD, Texas \u2014 Military marriages endure many stresses due to military life, such as family separation, financial situations, spouse career exploration, frequent relocations or occupational demands. Maintaining and growing a military marriage takes patience, an incredible amount of understanding and lots of work. \u201cIt takes a lot to do the work of a Soldier […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":528,"comment_status":"close","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-487116","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/adn.monetizemail.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/487116","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/adn.monetizemail.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/adn.monetizemail.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/adn.monetizemail.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/adn.monetizemail.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=487116"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/adn.monetizemail.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/487116\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":487117,"href":"https:\/\/adn.monetizemail.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/487116\/revisions\/487117"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/adn.monetizemail.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/528"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/adn.monetizemail.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=487116"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/adn.monetizemail.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=487116"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/adn.monetizemail.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=487116"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}