I’ve heard it said that there are only two things that motivate us—winning and trying not to lose. We get excited when we think we’re winning (“I got a great job,” “That was a fantastic meal I cooked,” “My daughter made the basketball team”) and anxious when we think we’re losing (“This traffic is going to make me late,” “If I can’t fall asleep I’ll be too tired for work tomorrow,” “I can’t deal with this back pain”).
Are you setting goals to compete with others?
When you look at your personal goals, how many are related to winning or losing? How often are you grading yourself on whether you’re doing better than your neighbor, your cousin, your high school buddy, or even yourself from last year?
When we are competing, we assess everything we do based on whether we think it puts us further ahead or further behind. Even when we’re doing something we enjoy—going for a walk, playing the piano, fishing—we’re deciding whether we’re doing it well, whether we’re getting as much enjoyment out of it as we should, and whether it’s helping us win or causing us to lose. In other words, we take pleasurable activities and basically turn them into chores.
No expectations
What would it be like to do something without judging whether you’re winning or losing? What would it mean to enjoy an activity just for its own sake with no worries about how it turned out? What happens if we do something just for the experience and not with a focus on self-improvement? Maybe allowing ourselves to spend time wastefully—with no expectations—is actually the only way not to waste it!
This 4-minute video explores basic steps to experience mindfulness. Drs. Christiane Wolf and Greg Serpa discuss four basic practices that teach us how to truly focus on the present moment without wondering whether we’re doing it right.
As you try these experiences, see if you can let go of your expectations, desires or hopes and simply… be. For another perspective, see how exploring your passions and living your best life now can pay dividends in the future.
